


still remembering

by marvelmedigeekfics



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, References to Drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29501157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelmedigeekfics/pseuds/marvelmedigeekfics
Summary: It has been one year since the Strands left New York City and TK is feeling the pain of the memories.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 5
Kudos: 91





	still remembering

**Author's Note:**

> title from "Still Remembering" -AS IT IS
> 
> can you tell me what hurts more  
> is it remembering or forgetting  
> the past that once was ours
> 
> \--  
> Does anyone know when the pilot of Lonestar is supposed to be set? Because I am going with September. Enjoy, my darling readers!

September 17 

TK had been looking forward to asking Alex to marry him for weeks now. He'd agonized over buying the perfect ring, reserving their table at the same restaurant they'd had their first date at, and finding the perfect way to ask him. Should he write out a damn ballad? Maybe short and simple? Traditional get on one knee approach? Say it through a kiss? Google was not helpful in the slightest. Maybe he should just wing it. 

Yeah. 

TK's first clue should have been Alex not remembering that this place had been their first date. 

But he'd been too caught up in the revelry of asking his boyfriend, his best friend, to become his fiance. He'd held the ring, shiny and classy like Alex, and toyed it around his fingers. He was nervous, okay? Maybe his dad had been right, earlier, with the suggestion of moving in together first. He was about to call Alex, tell him there had been an emergency at the station, and cancel, but then TK saw him. There'd always been a sparkle radiating off of Alex, and TK had loved it. 

TK was excited. He proposed just the way he had practiced. A simple, "Alex, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?" It was classy and TK was excited to ask. The rest of the restaurant had stopped and watched TK's heartbreak. Alex had shaken his head no as soon as TK got up from his chair and got on one knee. He'd said, "TK, please, I need to explain first." 

Alex had told him there was someone else. Mitchell. God, TK was angry. Angry at Alex for keeping that from his boyfriend. Angry at himself for thinking he could fix the weirdness with a proposal. Angry at himself for thinking he was ever worth choosing. He'd been so stupid. 

Later that night, he'd traded the ring for cash and the cash for oxycodone. He hadn't touched a pill in years, but he couldn't fight the craving for it. Anything to make the world stop. Anything. 

\------

September 18

TK had stared at the baggie on his coffee table for hours. He hadn't slept, just stared at the damn pills. If he would have looked in the mirror he would have seen his bloodshot eyes, swollen beyond belief. Just staring at the pills, having them here, was making TK feel like what he imagined a rabid dog felt like. All he wanted was to take the pills. They were sitting right there. Right there.

Owen had known something was up when TK didn't show up for his shift. TK was known for being early, or at least never late without a call. It had been an hour since 8, and there was a foreboding ache in Owen's ribs. Before the thought had even crossed his mind, Owen was ringing every doorbell outside TK's apartment. His knocks had gone unanswered. His calls went straight to voicemail. "I need the ladder ambulance at 2735 West 7th, apartment 105. And bring the battering ram." He'd expected the sight, TK on the floor, small white pills littering the floor. He'd never forget the way TK had apologized. 

\------

Present Day 

"What's on your mind?" Carlos whispered to TK. TK lay quietly in Carlos' arms, his eyes glazed over and his left arm tucked under Carlos' leg. He hadn't said much of anything all night but curled up closer every time Carlos made a move to get off of the couch. 

"Nothing much." TK's voice was muffled by Carlos' sweats. TK's sweats, actually, that Carlos had been "borrowing" since the last time TK had stayed over. Carlos ran his fingers through TK's hair, to which Tk's response was a subtle purr of contentment. 

Maybe he would fall asleep, Carlos thought, he sure looked like he needed it if only judging by the bags under his eyes. Picking up 3 double overnight shifts in a row would do that to you. Carlos smiled at the thought of his boyfriend's selflessness, a quality he'd always admired. TK's chest rose and fell in time, and evened out as Carlos continued to run his fingers through his boyfriend's hair. It smelled like apples and smoke, a scent Carlos knew by heart. It was his favorite smell, passing even sopa fresh from his Mami's kitchen. 

TK eventually had fallen asleep, safe and warm and loved, on Carlos' leg and couch. He'd looked so peaceful, so beautiful, and so handsome. There was no place either member of the couple would rather be than right here. Carlos had fallen asleep too, his hand curled around the back of TK's neck as if to remind him, even in sleep, that he was still here. Carlos was awoken a while later by the sound of TK crying. TK's eyes were pressed shut, but his arms were still holding on to Carlos' leg for dear life. There was a second of Carlos waking up and orienting himself. His instinct pulled a still sobbing TK into his arms. There was nothing he could do, except to pull his hurting boyfriend into his arms. 

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," TK buried his tear-stained face into Carlos' shoulder, embarrassed. Carlos' arms moved slightly for TK's face to rest, but they never let go. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Carlos stroked TK's incredibly tense shoulders with his thumbs, willing the tension to go away. TK had stopped crying, but he didn't move to look at Carlos, instead just lying in his embrace. 

"Mi niño dulce, por favor mira," Carlos had a bit of habit of speaking in Spanish, even if TK couldn't understand what he said. TK shifted to look. His face was red in patches and his eyes were puffy. Carlos took TK's face in his hands and whispered, "I love you and everything you are. Everything you hide and everything you will ever be." 

"I was remembering Alex," TK couldn't look him in the eyes, a rogue tear threatening to fall down his cheek. "I love you. But I was remembering Alex. I'm sorry." Carlos leaned over and kissed TK softly, daring him to apologize again. His hands never left his boyfriend's jawline. 

"Did I ever tell you about Riley?" 

TK shook his head without shaking out of Carlos' embrace. 

"He was the first person I dated after coming out. I thought I loved him. He both cheated on me and another girl," 

"Carlos, that's awful,"

"It was. But then I enrolled in the police academy because I knew Riley would never get in. He always said it was 'beneath him' because he couldn't pass the written exams," 

TK smiled a little, while a tear spilled out. Carlos wiped it away with his thumb. 

"You don't need to apologize for remembering things, amor. I love you. Siempre." 

"Siempre." TK kissed Carlos back with a soft acceptance that everything for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Spanish translations:
> 
> Mi niño dulce, por favor mira - My sweet boy, please look.  
> amor - love  
> siempre - always
> 
> Apologies for (possible) incorrect Spanish.


End file.
